haiz... I'm getting abit stress... over nt havin enough time to study... wonder if i nid to stay up lae to finish up my econs? haiz... Why can't my life be easy going n nt dat stressful? Coz it wun be life? goodness...
Since the 8th, i'd been away at Kota Tinggi (
http://www.kota-rainforest.com.my/race.shtml) for council leadership camp. There, i experience alot of new stuff, be it to bathe with lots of peeps in a single huge shower area, or to eat while waging a never-ceasing war with the house-flies, or even to have your arms covered with toothpaste which stings and cool you at the same time. But there's one thing which will remain firm in my mind, no matter wad.
At this point at night, we are supposed to do this freefall thingy, consisting of one person standing on the board 1.6m above ground, with a grp of people forming a stretcher lyk thingy down dere to catch e person falling frm above. This is supposed to test your confidence and alertness. There was this person(shall not disclose sex here) who went up and did a dangerous thing. This person here kneel before falling, which somehow cause a wrong distribution of weight down at the supporters. But the supporters were too.. somehow distracted (?) So there was alot of flaws in this fall... Expectedly, accident happened and the person fall hard onto the ground. But all was fine when this person here remains okay, being able to move around freely.
I was one of the supporters. When this happened, i wasn't shock. I wasn't even blaming anybody. I wasn't even trying to do anything emotional. However, my fren was. She was blaming herself for wad had happend, coz she had released her hands under the unexpected distribution of weight upon her. As a fren, i tried consoling her. To me, consoling not onli consist of saying that she's nt at fault or anything but to explain why this happened and what will arise from such things. Experienced this activity before in my secondary school, where the platform was even higher, i tok her out while walking towards the lit areas.
Then dere was this gal here who overheard me. Admittedly, i am not as close to her as to the one who was blaming herself. But she tot that i was trying to pinpoint people to blame, in other words, pushing the blame to somebody. She cut me off, rudely. Then said that i shldn't pinpoint, accusingly. I was lyk so shocked. Pinpoint people? Nvr my style. Wad kind of fren is she if she thinks that i'm dat kind? When she mentioned this to the advisors and the rest of e grp, fortunately nt mentioning my name, i was feeling so accused. I tried to ignore this feeling but... it jus feel so wrong... I was trying to analyse the situation for my fren so that she wouldn't be so hard on herself and its wrong(!)?
Upon discussing with my self-blaming fren, i realised that she too felt accused. Then... i had alot of things to think abt...
She, as a leader, shld nt jump to conclusions that fast. She shld try to listen us out before doin anything drastic, lyk mentioning it to the advisors. Does she trust me? I do not know.
AS a leader for so long, accusing people was never my style. I always try to analyse things, to solve problems fast, for the benefit for everyone. I do not wish for anyone to blame others or themselves for wad had happend. I only want them to have the full picture of what happened, to the best that i can give, scientifically or psychologically.
In any case, pls hear me out before condemning me. I will nt let anybody down. But if you onli want to hear wad u want to hear, then do nt condemn me, for it is your choice, not mine.
Tml going out with yu jia, ting, kai lin, and juan~~~ Woohoo... Finalli... Can finalli meet dem n have a whole dae of fun~!!!
Dun wish to type much...
Feeling a bit guilty abt nt touching my academics....
Guilty...
