I don't find the attractiveness in my school anymore. i miss Swiss Cottage, i miss the life there. I miss my frens. and my teachers...
how do u find joy in life if u r compelled to report in a place early in the morning, every week day without fail (unless u have holidays...) I felt kinda sad. It seems that there's nothing in dere to attract me even more. Life is nothing but assignments, tests, lectures and tutorials.. Plus a lot of sacarsm, hypocrites and bitches.... So sad...
Haiz.. My life seems to be of nothing but academics. I lyk to go for bowling. I wun mind taking up pistol... But.. time? space? freedom? All these, i'm unsure of...
Let me talk! Listen to me and shut up for a moment. Lately, i've been feeling quite down. I suppose its down to stress and stuff. Mebbe you guys will say that this is life and everyone is going through it. But can't one take a breather once in a while? Life? I always hope for a some place on earth where one can experience peace, love and harmony. But, i guess the earth cannot even spare me a metre cube of land. Hope? Isn't life full of hope? Isn't life is about hope? But what's hope when everything is dashed right in front of you? When friends you thought to be crush you like what they will do to a useless piece of paper? When people you thought as strangers back stabs you? When fellow human beings treat you as a unfeeling robot of no sense?
"What is hope?"
I was feeling extremely down today, i had totally enough of school. Enough of my life. Life to me then was nothing but work. Nothing but stress. Nothing but expectations.
Nothing. I felt lethargic. I felt like stepping out of the school gate then and forever. I felt like... death. I could barely control myself. Barely keep myself from crying. Barely keep myself from insanity.
Barely. I needed an outlet. I needed space. I needed air. I needed support. But i guess nobody knew of my needs. Nobody wanted to really help me. Nobody wanted to give me an outlet, give me space, give me air, give me support.
Nobody.Today, during PW, the last of the day's lessons, i was on the verge of breaking, on the verge of stepping out of the school, on the verge of death. I thought nothing could stop me then. I thought nobody would care. I thought that nothing no longer matters to me.
Nothing.As i sat there controlling me tears, I wanted an outlet. A break. A breather. Asking for a permission to skip today's meeting, I waited there, full of hope. But hopes are eventually dashed. Hopes are eventually washed down the dirty drain, trampled on, treated as litter.
Hope. Gone. They say its my responsibility. They say its my commitment. They say i should have forseen that. My hopes dashed, replaced by total sadness, total disappointment, Hopeof almost, fury, madness. Self-control?
What was self-control then? It was about blinking back tears, swallowing my pride, reminding myself to breathe. I was so scared that I would forget to breathe, so scared that i would go mad. So scared of everything. Of me hoping, of me needing, of me slapping them, crushing them like what they did to
my hope.
Hope? What's hope now? People tell me to relax. To chill. Its not easy to even step backwards. To even let go my work of which people around me keep reminding me of. (Note. I said "let go", which suggest its for a period of time. If i wanted to say to ignore my work, i would have say "abandon".) Human? Are Human a feeling creature?
Do they feel pain? Are they all that self- centered? That unfeeling?
I feel pain. Honestly. I never felt as despaired as before. I always thought that if i do not harm a person, i would not be harmed. I alway thought that if i do not hurt, i would not be hurt. But alas, that was never a case.
Hope? Should i continue to hope and risk them being smashed right again? Should i? I'm ready to give up hoping. I want to protect myself from all these pain i've been going through. I want to be selfish for once. To be self-centered. To be allowed a breather.
After rehearsing for several days after school, the big day was finally here. Waking up at 6.30am, i got myself ready and made my way to IJC. Although it was early in the morning on a Saturday, I felt amazingly
energetic even though i was quite sure that i do not wan to go school.
Then things start to speed up by the time i stepped into the school...
First, it was a trip to LT4, the venue of the ceremony. Participating students came early and we had to start ushering them in. Being e one hu's was dere most of e time, i had to take the lead in guiding these students into their designated seats. Meanwhile, LT4 itself was as
warm as an oven since the air-con was unfortunately spoilt. When the LT4 was quite occupied, the order to change the venue came. And it was a logistic horror.
After guiding most of these students out to the foyer, i rushed down to LT3 as i was told to do so. Helping those strong guys in moving those chairs and stuff outside, i tried to reassign the designated seats for the schools and VIPs. Recalling and adapting some of the ways the teacher-in-charge handled the ones in LT4, Marcus aided me in replacing the seats label. While these are being done, students started to swell in and i had to start my ushering job again...
- Usher students to seats.
- Finding seats for teachers.
- Usher GOH to stage and back again X2.
- Usher GOH to exit and to foyer for refreshments.
***
Ushering the GOh was not fun. Quite boring actually... But i was quite honoured to do so. Seeing the way Ms. Yeo fussed over him, i think he's quite a big character...
So honoured~!!! =) And
his Chinese quite good too~!!! I think
he was being very gentlemently and tactful when he said that Ms. Yeo was trying to learn Chinese and had done a good job in it as Ms. Yeo wasn't that proficient in spoken Chinese.
Overall, I think that the programme can be improved. The NMA's video was not their standard, given that i was once awed by one of their previous creations. The PA group was also not up to their standard, given that i witnessed their strength during events such as Racial Harmony Anchor Event and Bodi Wadmi 2006.
The efficiency of the school can be improved. For example, if they claimed they on the aircon at 8am, wun it be betta for them if they send someone to check on the aircon to see whether its working anot.? Ok. Mebbe council shld do e job, but if they noe the frequency of such breakdowns in the school's LT (given that most students attend lectures in up to 2 LTs), and such an important guest was coming...
Well, things can be improved.I think we council did a good job today. I witnessed the efficiency of the council in changing the venue, the way we handled the crowd and the way we handled the teachers....
i think we did a great job~!!!Cheers for council~!!!!
Its all too easy to say "relax" to a person hu's having stress, but to be relaxed while having stress yourself is not an easy task.
This week, I was bombarded with alot of work, be it PW, tutorials, assignment and council. In an attempt to improve on my EoM, i read abt this article, and i fully agree with it...
'Teach less, learn more' yet to be achieved
STIMES0020050509e15a0000d
ST Forum
288 Words
10 May 2005
Straits TimesEnglish(c) 2005
Singapore Press Holdings Limited
IT HAS been almost nine months since Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong said 'we've got to teach less so that our students can learn more'. I am curious as to how the idea has taken off.
Hailing from one of Singapore's 17 junior colleges, my experience is that not much has changed. Even though school hours have been reduced (for my college, at least), the workload has not got any lighter.
Assignments and tutorials take up most of our free time; weekends are seldom spared. It is no wonder then that most of my classmates have stopped trying to keep up with the schoolwork.
For a person who does his homework religiously and tries to keep up with school, any free time would be welcomed as a break, and is unlikely to be spent pursuing even more knowledge.
A teacher once said: 'Many children come to us naturally creative and curious, with a sense of wonder and excitement, only to be turned off shortly after they start school.'
I understand that junior-college teachers have a syllabus to finish in two years. As much as they may want us to have a meaningful education, they have to complete the syllabus in time for the examinations.
To go beyond conventional teaching methods would be too much of a hassle, and might also be deemed too risky.
The road to teaching less, learning more is not a smooth one; perhaps much courage is needed for those involved. And until we actually take that 'leap of faith', as my maths teacher would put it when solving problems, it's back to the tutorials for me.
Istyana Putri Ibrahim (Miss)
I completely agrewe with her~!!! I tried my best to finish my work, but everything jus pile up... Its not that i'm lazy... but... I jus can't do it!!! I'm not up to the stage whereby I'll give up on completing my work, but i can see that it will happen to me, someday, somehow...
Todae was such a
boring day~!!! Mebbe that's becoz i was boring too... Blehx~! Hm... I slpt almost the whole day off, tried doing my mind maps for Chemistry.. but ended up stopping at Chemical Bonding Part Two... I will continue my mind maps later on...
YuCky MinDMaPs~!!! But hey! They help!!! =)
I wonder how Ben spent his day...
ChoColate ChIpS IcE-CrEaM~!!! Mmmm.... YummY!!! I know ppl lyk Ms. Lee will kill me but still the temptation of chocolate ice-cream is too great for me to resist~!!! =)
Hm.. Spent the whole day doing nth but slping, eating, watching tv and stuff... I can say i touched nothing yucky such as assignment, tutorials or work. But tml... tml i will do them~! I think i will start drawing mindmaps for my chemistry, then my maths. =)
Cheers~!!!
Its gettimg too hot here~!!! Its
STEAMING~!!! And its getting
scorching~!!! Dun get me wrong, I'm toking about
school life. Its realli getting too much in here, with assignments, tutorials piling up, council getting up in the queue and everything else... I'm not sure whether i shld do this to myself...
Haiz~~!!!!One week passed by and yet, even with 3 days off the 5 day, i dun feel the least less stress...
WHY!?!? I even went for retail therapy yet nothing seems to work... Its lyk the world is eating me up... and yet it feels lyk pure stretching... As in stretched from head to toe, side to side... =(
ULTIMATE SADNESS!!!
Todae is National Day~!!! Which means that today and tml no school~!! Woohoo~!!! Finally there's time for me to catch up with myself... Phew~!
Yesterdae was onli a half day. So
Yasmin,
Benjamin and
i went to watch 'Click'. It was a veri touching show... Not sad, but touching. Enough to make me cry till my nose get stuck and
Ben's sleeve to be wet. =) I mean Hey~! Let's jus let our hair down (literalli) and jus let our feelings all out~! Truthfulli speaking, i stongly suspect that at least 75% of the whole Cathay Building Theatre One of 3.20pm , Click cried. Haiz... I love tear jerkers~!!!
After all these, we went shopping. Me for my white jacket,
Yasmin for her fren's birthday prezzie. After walking for a long time along Orchard Road,
Yasmin finalli found a nice looking shirt for her fren, with a nice looking necklace. Wow~~!!!
When we were ending our shopping trip, walking towards Far East, where
Yasmin was supposed to meet her father, we saw this stall selling sweaters~!!! Haha~ as if things wld come walking their way towards me, i saw my wonderful white jacket there, selling for $15.
Yasmin got one too, a
green one. Cheers~!!!
Then it was time to go marina bay to watch the fireworks. Calling
Kailin,
Shu juan and also frm
Keet Wan, we made a deal to meet
Keet Wan at one of the fireboat shop. =)
Me,
Ben and
Kailin arrived first and we were 'served' by
Keet Wan's frens. It was kinda weird to sit amidst unknown ppl and to get served by them at the same time. Nice food though~!!!
Soon after
Shu Juan's arrival, it was already time for us to go get ready for the arrival of
fireworks~!!!! It was dark where we were all going. Time past so fast and it was already showtime for the
fireworks.
They were
so big and beautiful~! Woohoo~!!! It was like entering from outside into Earth, into a new era...
A whole new world~!!!
Hi guys~! I'm back~! K. i'm so sorry that i stopped my updates so suddenly and for such a long time... Things have been coming up hectic for me and i lost my enthusiasm for blogging. But now, I'm back~! =)
Hm... To update you guys, i'm no longer alone.. as in... You know~! =) And my studies aren't going too well for me... so i think its time for me to realli start studying... Blehx~!!! Yucky things~! But i dun realli have a choice huh.
Council isn't going too good, there are so much more to be done and my committee (project management) is going through a patch... But i guess we'll work it out. =) Always look on the bright sde of life~!
As for my project work, i think i am assigned to wonderful grp mates and friends.
Hashwin,
Ang Yun.
Zhi wen and
Atikah, Luv ya! And wOnDeRfUlLy, i was elected as their groupleader about a few months back... It isn't smooth sailing as i foreseen it before... My members are so good that i feel that i am not doing them justice~! Haiz... Stressful lar~!
Now, i guess i realli have to settle down for my studies. My promo is coming in a few weeks time and is RealLi scari~!!! Ah... Haiz...
Today's the eve of National Day and i'm now bloggin in M1-1... with my 'distraction' and my best friends... =) Smilex! X)
Love,
Xinyi
