Excuses. Is that all we are capable of?
Escape. Is that all we want?
Silence. Is that the ideal situation?
Peace. Is that as far as we think it is?
There's alot to ponder over, alot to be discover. But, are we willing to?
My Perspectives.
Before the previous blog, nobodi took notice of my blog. I nvr receive so mani comments abt my blog before. Not even when i was down and needed somebody to comfort me. But now, when i finalli commented on some people whom i disagree with, attention are now turned towards me. How surprising.
I dun mind to be commented. But to the extent of being insulted is y someone i assume i do not know (coz i dun recognise the name) is more than what i can bear.
To Jean:I do not recognise your name. And if you are my friend, i believe that you would understand my blog more than anyone else. So i guess you are not a friend of mine. Perhaps you din read my blog too carefully or you were too emotional. I clearly state that i do not speak up because he is my bf. I will speak up if it happens to any body else. I assume you are a leader yourself coz if u say that I'm a bad leader, then you must be a even better one. If not, then i suggest you not to comment. But if you are a better leader, wld you condemn me before understanding me further? Put yourself in my shoe. Think about it.To my class 0612c:It has come to my attention that my previous blog was being printed out, and discussed over. I wonder. How would my comment affect you if previously my comments never did matter to you. I assume you wld treat my previous entry as any other entry, left to be ignored and perhaps, read it as if its a sci fiction. But all o the sudden, people do notice my blog. What a surprise.As i said before, i recognise my mistake of speaking out of my position. But by speaking out of my position, I can understand more about my classmates. I can now understand why my class can never unite as one. I never mean hostitality but what i get in return for my comment are the harsh replies.
Think about it.
To IJ042: Some of you guys may disagree for what i did, but to some others, what i'm doing is to the defense and benefit of you peeps.
To all of IJ042: Take care~!!!
To Shao Wen: You may disagree with me, but i hope we do remain as friends afterall.
Ok. I admit. What i did today was realli out of my position. But to watch such injust unfold right in front of me is too much for me to bear. To those who wasn't there, let me describe what happened.
When i got to their table, Mingli was preparing to leave, during which she mentioned to her grp that she'll send her OP slides to Tiha to compile. She also mentioned that she'll be out for the day, presumely which her friends. Then Ben, in turn,was given a dressing down for reasons which i know but will not say as it will be again out of my position if i do speak of it. He was then given a time at which he was to send his report to Tiha. However, like Mingli, he'll be out for the day. But unlike Mingli, he is not able to send in his report on time. There were already arguments and what i was seeing then was injust. That when i came in.
I said that it was not fair that the grp is against Ben going out but not against Mingli going out. With Shao Wen emphasizing on the word "prioritise", i felt that it was super unfair to Ben. IJ042 may think that I speaking on the behalf of Ben as he's my bf. But pls allow me to make this clear. I do not speak from a bias point of view. instead, i spoke in terms of a third party who is not involve in the "fight" in any way.
Look at it in Ben's shoes, he was told to redo the slides he was told to complete. He had to redo as it was lacking in terms of contents, but which he was not told to do. For his going out, IJ042 was very much against. Why? Because of his inability to pass the slides to Tiha on time? It was only a misfortune that he did not anticipate such unclear instructions that will later cause him to redo his slides. It was only a misfortune that he wasn't able to make it for the time set by Tiha. Why blame him?
Prioritise. I hear you speak. But why tell him? Why not say that to other group members? When they cld call for meeting anytime they want, at their own preferences, at their own schedule but without considering Ben's. From what i see, IJ042 is a case of splinter groups. Leader. Are you still a leader if you sow discord instead of solving differences? Are you still a leader if you talk behind someone's back?
If not for Yasmin, i wld nvr know that you are such a leader. A leader who will ignore the welfare of your own members for the benefit of your friends. A leader who put so much distances between you and your members that problems in your group do not surface to you.
I wasn't that much against you till i saw it for myself today. Previously, i was not even when i heard so much abt you frm Ben as i knew that some things are not the same when told by a first party. But when i saw it today, i was totally disgusted by your actions.
When i, a leader see such injust in a grp, i, a leader do not ignore but come in defense for the wounded.
i'm not sure abt it now... Is it all fake? All but a fantasy, a dream, a desire?
I passed my promo with 2 H2, 3H1. Not bad~!!! But den... how could i onli aim for a pass?? Nope~! I'm gonna PIA nxt year and IJC wouldn't know me den... Muhahaha~~
Budden, its easi to say but not easi to do.. I guess that's where my determination comes in~! >.< What an "OMGosh~!"
are we happi for long? or are we not?
I'm happi dat i passed my physics promo, though nt well but still, a pass. but my chinese screwed up, for some idiotic reason. yucks~
Thrown behind the wall, to be left ignored by the crowds.
Thrown into the weeds, to be left unseen by the people.
I dun realli noe wad to do... I feel a kinda stress... The feeling of being torn apart. Is it because he's nvr in my position? That's y he nvr feel the pain? Or is he jus blind to it? Such fascinating emotions, but yet... Can't anyone share it with mE???
True. There's nvr a perfect fit. There will nvr be. But we always look for the perfect things in life. Irony.
Mebbe its my fault. Mebbe its his fault. Or mebbe its our fault. But faults can be make up for. Faults can be detected and be understood. But why do i feel so sad yet so guilty at the same time?
Contacting him, wondering about him, doing things for him have become a part of my life. I used to juggle all these with my academics, my CCAs. But now after our promos, i have nothing else to distract myself from him. I once thought that after our promos we would probably have more time together, but this is still a thought, a dream, a fantasy...
He's ever so busy. Busy with his friends, busy with his family events, busy with his health. But never me. I shop alone in the streets of Orchard Road, looking at couples hugging each other, couples shopping together, couples holding hands, yet i wonder how's he doing with his friends, with his family.
I feel so alone. So isolated. I had given up my chance for a more expanded social circle for him and yet...
I dun think he miss me lyk he say. How on Earth do you miss a person if you are kept busy all day long? I cherish and look forward to every meeting, but, does he?
I think he is finally gotten sick of me. So i guess the end is not far afterall... But, wad abt me? Has he thought of my feelings? He hasn't felt wad i feel. I wish he would understand me for once. I wish he would feel what i feel. But all these are wishes... All these do not have to come true for me...
Small. Weak. Tears. These are wad i feel now. Where's my protector? I do not know. Mebbe he's with his friends again. Enjoying his day. Not thinking abt me. Mebbe...
